One...Two...Three.. SCREAM - a quick update on everything

That's what I have been doing since this whole sickness thing started. Not the being pregnant sickness, the hypermese something-or-other sickness started. I am not a fan, in fact I down right hate it. With a Picc Line in my arm, and a daily IV that takes four hours to do, there isn't much of my day left (depending on when I woke up.) Not only does it keep me on the couch for such a long time, it also made me jobless. Yes, like I needed anymore issue going on in my life - let us add no income to the mix. My doctor doesn't want me working with the Picc Line in my arm. Which though I can understand - she isn't the one that has no job now.

I haven't heard from the baby daddy in a while, which is good because I don't think him adding stress to my life is a good thing. Though I have heard that he has changed his mind once  more and wants to go for custody. I wonder why? Oh, wait, it must be because he doesn't want to pay child support to yet another person. Not my problem, he can have a lovely time trying to get custody - it won't work. But because he has changed his mind again, I now have to go meet with a lawyer. About what I can do now, and what I am going to need to do later. This is turning into a drama fest; I really wish it wasn't.

Now that I took a break from health I thought I'd go back to it for a minute. Not only did I find out that I am still losing weight even with the fluids and eating. It makes me want to rip my hair out. But I also found out that I am so anemic (which I knew I was anemic before - but apparently it's even worse than) and if I don't get it up, then yay I will need to get a blood transfusion after giving birth. She even said it wouldn't matter either way, C-section or Normal, it would need to happen. What the heck, where are all the good times that ate suppose to come from being pregnant? My friend made a joke about pregnancy glow and she is like you have it... it's just most like a ghost-ish kind of glow. Gee thanks.

However, there is a shiny silver lining - I am passing my classes. Which is always a plus considering everything I am going through. And I only needed to miss one class because of all these issues. Granted I forced myself to go to them - but at least I made it through this term. Not only did I make it through the term I most likely made the President's List at that. I am very excited about this.

Another silver lining - that goes along with only needed to do school work next term - and not have to work, is NANOWRIMO! It means I can spend time actually doing it. Not just thrown together at the last minute with hopes that it sounds good, nope this will be the whole even-though-I-am-flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants-it-will-make-sense-anyway type of writing this year. Which will definitely make me happy.

Well that's a quick update on everything that is going on. Well the shortened versions anyway. There is probably waaaaay more I could write, but it's not worth it because it's not weighing on my mind right now.

Just remember for every negative, there is also a silver lining plus hiding in the background. You just need to find it and catch it =)

Tomorrow... Maybe Tomorrow...

I get to go have a special ultra sound done tomorrow - whatever that means. I guess when you are overweight and a high risk then you get to go see a special ultra sound technician. Which is what I get to do tomorrow. Of course, if my baby is in the mood to cooperate, I will hopefully know what the gender is. Not that it truly bugs me either way not knowing, but I do truly believe that it would be easier to shop knowing what gender I am looking for. Like would my child really appreciate a frilly, lacey white dress if it's a boy, or even a blue sailor outfit meant for a boy when truly I am having a girl. Things like that make me question the whole, I don't wish to know factor. Plus, my friends will all bug me, and I do need to admit that there is a small part of me that wishes to know. Enough, that this past week of not knowing when I should of last week... is killing me.

 Now, who wants to hear some baby daddy drama - naw you won't get it from me. If you want that you should go watch Maury; I hear he has some woman looking for the father of their child for the .... mmmmm 2397545723401th time. =D

I could bore people with my baby drama, and no doubt I will later on. But right now, I am trying to be stress free - for the simple reason is I haven't been doing too well in the pregnancy arena. With the stress at work + the baby daddy issue + the high risk factor + not being able to sleep + throwing almost everything I eat up by the end of the night = One horrific first pregnancy.

So I have this theory. If all those girls from 16 and Pregnant or Teen Mom have had to go through what I am going through right now, then they wouldn't want it televised. Not only that, but if they were more like this and less making it glorified maybe other teens wouldn't think it would be cool to get pregnant. But as I see it most girls now see it as something that is cool - Thank you MTV. Sure Leah from Teen Mom season 1 had issues, but that was because of twins. And now she is dealing with what could even be some what considered normal for twins - health issues. But then you have the others, who continue doing what they do. Getting thrown into jail, getting pregnant again. How can we let this on our televisions? Why is it even being shown? And better yet, why, how, what is going through people's minds when they sit there and watch it. Most with their daughters. Sure, you could be saying don't do this, and if you ever do that I will kick your arse. But do you really think they are listening? Because I truly don't think so. All they are seeing is - OMG I CAN TOTALLY BE ON THIS SHOW AND FAMOUS IF I GET PREGGO.... -insert furious texting to recent boyfriend-

Again, all opinion. But come on, it's almost as bad as Toddlers in Tiaras. Some of the shows that come out now just frighten me. What will be coming for my child? Do I need to shield them from the television? With all the cyber bullying or just bullying in general. Children were cruel when I was growing up, and I have babysat since I was old enough to - they have just gotten worse. I am freaking out. I don't think I will be a good mother; let alone a good father as well. I just don't know what to do.

This means I am worrying and stressing over things I can't control. Things I shouldn't be worrying about right now - which makes the cramping worse, and my exhaustion even worse. Nothing is going the way I wish it too. I expected to have my degree by name, maybe a fiance or married, and definitely not living in my parents home. This person - still going to school, my baby daddy being ridiculously obnoxious, living in my parents home, and of course having issues with my job - was not suppose to be pregnant. I try to live by the saying; no regrets. And I don't regret being pregnant, for all I know this could be the only one I can have, but I regret alot of other things that I know I can't change. Means I am back to the drawing board.

Until next time my fellow bloggers- Live long and party hard? Lol or just live long =)

To Quit or Not to Quit, That is the Question

The gender of my baby is... drum roll please... I have no clue. My baby is definitely mine and my exes. There is no if, and or but about it. I went in for an ultra sound yesterday, to find out the gender and to check on all the vital things. Well, my baby who doesn't ever like to sleep decided yesterday morning would be a good time to sleep in. Yay me, not really. So I am laying there and the ultra sound technician is killing me with the pushing, poking and prodding to get what she needs. But, there is one problem - my baby was curled up in the fetal position. Not where a normal 20 week old baby would be normally sleeping; no my baby is odd and likes to sleep and stay where a 10 week old fetus stays. Which is a problem in itself I guess. Well the person doing the ultra sound decided, we should wake the baby up and get what we need once it's awake. I, immediately, say, "Don't you dare wake the baby up." She just looked at me and proceeded to try and wake the baby up. Causing even more pain for me, by literally taking pushing as hard into my stomach making it feel like I was being punched over and over in the stomach. I am wincing and telling her to stop and leave the baby alone, she isn't going to get what she wants anyway. The silly woman didn't listen to me. She woke my baby up, and oooooh they were not happy. She gets close to a picture she needed, and the baby would move, and this went on for a good ten minutes before she finally decided I just needed to come back next week to get what they needed, as the baby isn't cooperating.

Well, I could have told her that... oh wait, I did. She didn't want to listen to me. I am sorry, but the baby is inside me and part of me. I know the dad and I know me; the baby wasn't going to be happy being woken up, and they most certainly were not going to cooperate after being woken up. Which of course means I need to go back next week and have another one done, and hopefully this time I will be able to inform people what the gender is.
That's my interesting baby story. Yet, that's not why I have the question of whether to quit or not. My job has been getting to me (as if my ex isn't enough drama.) It really sucks when you feel like you are being discriminated against for being pregnant. Especially when it is a non-profit company that is suppose to be helping people in the community that can't help themselves. I do a relatively self-less job, I am a caregiver and that's everything in which you think it includes. I work my ass off, and apparently they even say that I am one of their best workers - yet I don't seem to be getting any hours, unless I bring HR into it. Which no one should have to do. And when do people feel they need to come off as if they are better than me. And don't ever threaten me with a court case of defamation of character if I go to the Human Rights Commission because all that means is that you are guilty of something and you don't wish to admit it.

That's what's happening. It has gotten to the point where I am now don't have a choice anymore. I need to go to the Human Rights Commission, which is going to just cause me even more drama. I don't need the stress - but when you go from working 35 hours with benefits, down to 9 hours without benefits a week within 1 month, there is a problem. I won't go into anymore details, just it makes me really think about quitting my job. For I know if a case is filed against them, my time will be limited in said job. =( So to quit or not to quit, that is the question.

I could go on about what my ex has doesn't now, but I am truly just too tired and hungry to go on about that drama. Maybe later in the week I will post about his non-sense some more. But for now I am off to go eat and take a small nap.

Remember, when life gives you lemons - cut them in half and squeeze the lemon juice in life's eye =)

Fun in the Sun to Sick in my Bed

Drama Drama Drama. That's what I deal with on a daily basis with my ex. Which, doesn't truly surprise me, considering his relationship with his other "baby mama" (a term in which I despise with all my being.) Well, yesterday with the determination of a bull, I was going to have a good day. There wasn't going to be any worry about what my ex had in mind to argue about, or the disappointed looks from my family; nothing like that was going to get in my way. It was a beach day. The weather was right, the timing was right and my friend and her son were capable of coming with me.

Leaving my house at nine in the morning, I did what most people probably do the night before get everything I needed for the beach trip. Gas in the car, was first. Followed by going to the bank. And finishing with getting some snacks and coffee (well tea for me since my baby doesn't like coffee - the nerve of them.) Excuse me for a moment while I take a break from the beach story and rant about the coffee issue... 

I love coffee. My ex loves coffee. I get pregnant and my baby hates coffee - how the fudge does that work? And it isn't the acid content. I checked with my doctor, and considering everything else I eat and/or drink she is surprised that coffee makes me sick and the other stuff doesn't. So I am now going to have to come to terms that my ex and I - who are coffee lovers to the bone ... and our blood is probably coffee - may have a child that just doesn't like it. The horror. Though I guess its to each their own. Okay, back to the beach. 

By ten in the morning I am at my ex's house. Why you may be asking yourself? Because my friend and her son live with my ex.Which is another issue in itself - as he can't stand that we are friends now. Either way I get to the apartment, text her saying I'm here and I wait. Of course I knew my ex was home, which is why I didn't go upstairs. Though, according to him that's the only time I am allowed over is when he is home. Again, he is clearly ass-hat backwards. Either way, she comes downstairs with her son. We get everything all set in my car and hit the road. My day is going well so far. 

Of course, she wishes to talk about my ex - as she is having issues with him now. Not my problem. But my ears to perk up when she informs me that he told her I was being a biatch by not allowing him to give them their middle name. You know his last name as a middle - which I already discussed. I told her, I didn't say that. I said and I quote myself, "If I say no I'm a b**ch, if I say yes our child will be tormented. Can I think about it and get back to you when I find out the gender?" Well as you can tell, he didn't tell her the last part when I didn't say no, or yes, or anything about it really. I also stated that I would be more willing to listen to him if he would care about something more than the baby's name. Because that's all he seems to care about. Never does he ask how the baby is doing or how I am doing with the baby. Which she didn't know either. And I laugh at that, of course he isn't going to tell you the whole story, he is trying to make me out to be a true "baby mama." 

Once that conversation is over with, I get to subject to change. After all, I just wanted to relax I didn't want to have to worry about what my ex had to say or anything to do with him. We discuss other things, like her son's first day of kindergarten and even if I was excited finding out the gender of my baby. We get to the beach and find fabulous parking. Less than a five minute walk from the beach and boardwalk. Finding the perfect spot to set our stuff up we get it all ready. My friend puts sunblock on her son, and I put a little on myself and we are all set for a great day.

And a great day it was till I got home. Like most five year old spoiled children, he didn't listen very well; but I give him credit for doing better than he does when we go to parks. Went into the FREEZING cold water a few times to cool off and sat in the sun getting a tan. Now, my problem is a there seems to never be enough sunblock in the world to keep my skin from being burned. Granted, putting it on more than once probably would have been a good idea. After being on the beach for a while, we decided to bring our stuff back to the car and walk around the boardwalk. Which then was filled with french fries, hot dogs, chicken tenders and of course the arcade. Cotton candy was bought for the child and fries to go were bought for us adults. By four in the afternoon we were on our way home after a fun filled day.

Dropping them off I head home, take a shower, and just go outside and relax with my dad - and later when she gets home from visiting my aunt in the hospital my mom joined as well. Soon, we had a party with the neighbors coming over and everyone just hanging out in front of our house. After a while though I started feeling really bad, and at first I thought it was because I hadn't eaten dinner yet. Heading inside I make a hot ham sandwich, eating that and having some chips on the side. Getting about half way through the sandwich my heart felt like it was pounding and would come right out of my chest. Laying down on the couch didn't make it feel any better, so what's a girl to do? You got it, I went and got my mom. The emergency room and I have had a big enough relationship that I didn't feel the need to go back there again. She checks my heart rate, says it seems to be fine but that I was clammy.

This leads her to giving me water and telling me to go lay in my bed. I do, come on you have to listen to your mom when you are feeling as bad as I did. Putting in a movie that had been seen millions of times before, I lay down. That didn't last long. There was no comfort, and I was hot even in the sixty degree bedroom. Sitting up, leaning over and reaching the trash can just in time. I got sick. Over and over again. Finally, once I stop, I go to bring it the bag outside and my mom takes the bag, throws it away and hands me an ice pack. My chest had been burnt, which means I was now feeling it.

I was once more sent to bed, still feeling like crap at midnight. Finally, my mom comes back into the house and enters my room. Mainly to check on me, but also to  look at my medication. And wouldn't you know it, one of my medications states right on it - no prolonged exposure to the sun. So where my dad was just stating it was because I am pregnant, and getting sick. That would normally be correct, though this time it was because I was having and aversion to the sun and my medication. I am one cool chick.

Needless to say, I won't be doing much today- other than two hours of work. I am still very exhausted, and not feeling good. But I will definitely be checking my medication before doing something from here on out.

Until next time =) Stay safe, stay happy, and stay drama free.