I get to go have a special ultra sound done tomorrow - whatever that means. I guess when you are overweight and a high risk then you get to go see a special ultra sound technician. Which is what I get to do tomorrow. Of course, if my baby is in the mood to cooperate, I will hopefully know what the gender is. Not that it truly bugs me either way not knowing, but I do truly believe that it would be easier to shop knowing what gender I am looking for. Like would my child really appreciate a frilly, lacey white dress if it's a boy, or even a blue sailor outfit meant for a boy when truly I am having a girl. Things like that make me question the whole, I don't wish to know factor. Plus, my friends will all bug me, and I do need to admit that there is a small part of me that wishes to know. Enough, that this past week of not knowing when I should of last week... is killing me.
Now, who wants to hear some baby daddy drama - naw you won't get it from me. If you want that you should go watch Maury; I hear he has some woman looking for the father of their child for the .... mmmmm 2397545723401th time. =D
I could bore people with my baby drama, and no doubt I will later on. But right now, I am trying to be stress free - for the simple reason is I haven't been doing too well in the pregnancy arena. With the stress at work + the baby daddy issue + the high risk factor + not being able to sleep + throwing almost everything I eat up by the end of the night = One horrific first pregnancy.
So I have this theory. If all those girls from 16 and Pregnant or Teen Mom have had to go through what I am going through right now, then they wouldn't want it televised. Not only that, but if they were more like this and less making it glorified maybe other teens wouldn't think it would be cool to get pregnant. But as I see it most girls now see it as something that is cool - Thank you MTV. Sure Leah from Teen Mom season 1 had issues, but that was because of twins. And now she is dealing with what could even be some what considered normal for twins - health issues. But then you have the others, who continue doing what they do. Getting thrown into jail, getting pregnant again. How can we let this on our televisions? Why is it even being shown? And better yet, why, how, what is going through people's minds when they sit there and watch it. Most with their daughters. Sure, you could be saying don't do this, and if you ever do that I will kick your arse. But do you really think they are listening? Because I truly don't think so. All they are seeing is - OMG I CAN TOTALLY BE ON THIS SHOW AND FAMOUS IF I GET PREGGO.... -insert furious texting to recent boyfriend-
Again, all opinion. But come on, it's almost as bad as Toddlers in Tiaras. Some of the shows that come out now just frighten me. What will be coming for my child? Do I need to shield them from the television? With all the cyber bullying or just bullying in general. Children were cruel when I was growing up, and I have babysat since I was old enough to - they have just gotten worse. I am freaking out. I don't think I will be a good mother; let alone a good father as well. I just don't know what to do.
This means I am worrying and stressing over things I can't control. Things I shouldn't be worrying about right now - which makes the cramping worse, and my exhaustion even worse. Nothing is going the way I wish it too. I expected to have my degree by name, maybe a fiance or married, and definitely not living in my parents home. This person - still going to school, my baby daddy being ridiculously obnoxious, living in my parents home, and of course having issues with my job - was not suppose to be pregnant. I try to live by the saying; no regrets. And I don't regret being pregnant, for all I know this could be the only one I can have, but I regret alot of other things that I know I can't change. Means I am back to the drawing board.
Until next time my fellow bloggers- Live long and party hard? Lol or just live long =)
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