Frustrated, annoyed, pissed off, enraged... there are so many words to describe how I am feeling right now. It's true that my blog has many complaints- and in truth my brain doesn't do positivity easily, but I try. Naive I could most certainly be described as. Though when it comes to situation the whole positive thing doesn't come to mind, if it has to do with people - rules- the world as an outlook- positive in my mind is more likely than the negative; especially if it doesn't have anything to do with my as a person.
Which leads me to believe that this world is effed up. I am from a very proud family. We do things on our own, and take care of our own - with little to no help from anyone. And if we do get help, monetary wise; we almost always pay it back (sometimes it's giving as a gift instead of as a loan.) That is how it is in my help. It took me till my 4th month being pregnant before I went and got assistance from WIC. Which took alot on my part. So if you can imagine, the thought of me even going to apply for food stamps would be horrific on my part. But I needed to do what was best for my unborn child and me. There isn't always alot of food in my house (and sometimes none really at all) because other bills come first.
Sucking up my pride, I applied for state assistance - food stamps mostly. Well can you imagine my shock, frustration and yes, the feeling of defeat when I have my interview to see if I am eligible. I'm not, only because of one reason. My mother and father always told me to be a productive member of society. Which includes; working the best of your ability (and when being discriminated against at work kind be kind of hard,) get a better education, and doing right by those around you. There are other things like paying your bills on time, being responsible and respectful - and other things that going along with being the best person you could possibly be. So I work my nine hours every week, though I find it pointless at times, and I go to school full time to get an education and better my life, as well as for my unborn child. I don't always do right by those around me; but I'm working on it.
Which brings me back to that one reason. I don't qualify for food stamps because I work less than eighty hours a month (about 20 hours a week) and I am in school full-time. Apparently, school is a choice. Being enrolled full-time is a choice, and it's now your parent's responsibility to make up your lack of funds. Or I could go find another job. Please, someone tell me what company will hire an almost six month pregnant lady who has a lot of ailments with said pregnancy. I dare you, sure they won't say it's discrimination, and hell I give them the motivation. I can't lift over twenty-five pounds, most retail jobs you are required to lift at least fifty if not more.
In my mind I didn't get it. So I asked her. How can you expect me to have my parents take care of me and my child when they can barely afford food themselves? Or how is it possible for me to get another job when I can't do half the requirements? Or even why it is that those who are trying to better themselves or are doing the best they can, get shafted when it comes to state help; yet those who don't do anything but sit on their asses all day can get all the help in the world?
Don't get me wrong, not everyone with state help are lazy asses. In fact, I still believe that half the people who get help do truly need it because they are doing the best they can. But I can't help but think about most of my extended family members, or other people my age who are getting help but living off other people and not doing the best they can. It infuriates me when I see that. Then people wonder why it is a hot button type topic. I never wanted to think that things would be like this. I wanted to believe good in the system, but it seems that is not the case.
I know it is still just fresh in my mind, and I will go back to being naive. Though right now I am quite irritable about the problem, there is so much wrong with the scenario I don't even think it could get fixed. School is not an option anymore. Without education you will never get out of that dead end job, even to get into that management position you need some form of college education. Which makes me wonder when it won't be considered a choice to the state anymore, but something of necessity.
Always try to look on the bright side, but don't forget what was on the dark side so you will always be learning. That's my advice today.
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